Anyone who reads this journal probably thinks I'm out of the running, but anyone who checks the userinfo knows I'm still plugging my way through. Today, especially, I've swung almost 4k words trying to make up for all the days I've missed, all the words I haven't written.
I have under 12k to win and I think I can still do it. I believe that I can do this for the first year since 2004 and I've believed that since I started. This is going to be the year I win, damnit. I did not make all those character sheets and note cards for nothing. Maybe I still don't have all the plot worked out, maybe I still don't have everything looking polished, but I have characters and I love them and I've developed them over the course of the month.
I've proven to myself that I can make something all my own, hold it in my mind and create it from start to finish all on my own, with no one's help and that's something I really needed.
I can still create and I can create on my own. I can make my own characters and I can give them life and I don't need anyone else to help me.
I am still a writer. I am still a creator. I needed to realize that this year - that in some area of my life I am not a failure because it's been a really, really hard few months for me.
So now, more than ever, I have to cross this finish line. And I will. Fuck sleep, fuck appointments, fuck apartment hunting. Fuck anything else I have to do - it can all wait until the first because I have a word count to meet before midnight on the 30th and I'm going to fucking do it.
Today started out rough. I just couldn't get any inspiration. It feels like every day kind of starts out that way.
So I hopped over to oneword
and grabbed their prompt, which was feud. I wrote up a short bit where Seth
get into it, which I'll go ahead and share here since it's only 106 words.( feudCollapse )
So then, I sat around and fucked off for awhile, cleaning off space on my hard drive to make room for some music that was recommended to me since Pandora wasn't giving me anything that was remotely helpful and my nano playlist was distracting (sometimes lyrics are really, really distracting to me when I'm trying to write) and I also started playing a downloaded copy of the new Final Fantasy game for DS (Four Heroes of Light). Now before you go lecturing me about downloading copies of games, lightningrapier
actually has a legitimate copy of it that she's playing to review it right now for a website (she does website reviews) but after I spent like 3 hours leveling up her stupid characters yesterday while she caught up her word count, I kind of decided I wanted to play it, so I downloaded it. So it's not like we don't have a legitimate copy in the house, we just can't put two damn save files on it, which is retarded.
did a ten minute sprint with no prompt, so I just used "ten minutes" as my prompt and finally wrote something about Aras
, so I've done something about him. I'd like to try and do at least something with as many characters as possible. I know I'm focusing predominantly on the characters that are in the bin, because Isis is such an important character and if I can stay in the bin I can try to bring Daniel into the picture and as a result, bring Isis in (who I have written very little about. In fact, I've written almost zilch about her and even less about the dream walking or anything, but we'll get there, I hope). Anyway, a couple of characters from lightningrapier
's The Legendary Age Trilogy (Specifically the third installment: The Final Reverie) (see roughestdraft
) made cameos in that section. That happens from time to time. There are characters in that series that have hopped from work to work and I expect them to show up in this piece as they've shown up in other works I've worked on, but these were not
the ones I was expecting to poke their heads in. Oh well. Lou, you're a real pain in the ass, but I love you.@NaNoWordSprints
also finally did do a prompt in which we were to optionally use popcorn as a weapon. This is perfectly normal behavior for Shui, and he ended up chucking a bowl of popcorn at Scarlett
, which got them into a full on fight and got both of them tranq'd. The Lady of the Manor
makes an appearance in this scene, as does Nurse Lisa and Daniel
. They're watching Alien. Daniel apparently likes this movie. Paul
is also mentioned.
After that, Shui has a pretty vivid dream about the Waters of Chaos and his god form, followed by a dream in which he is Trogdor
. When he wakes up, he has some serious reality issues and is pretty fucked up.
I cleared my word count for the day and then some, wrapping up at 11,671. This means that tomorrow I need to clear a minimum of 13,671 if I write 2k words.
Hit my personal word requirement (at least 2k per day) at just about midnight exactly today, which was amazing, considering how much time I spent not writing today. It's been a really hard day for me emotionally. Just have had a lot of shit going on and I'm on a lot of anxiety medication right now, so forgive me if this is a little all over the place.
So today's writing consisted primarily of two scenes: One in which Shui
(and some others, including a brief cameo by Sekhmet
) eat dinner consisting of some bizarre fajitas (which Shui refers to as "fajitos"). The second is our writer, James
, his bad day (because all of my characters seem to be having bad days - probably a severe projection of my own state of mind lately) and how he gets past it and starts actually writing. (yay, probably more projection.) This scene also introduces his muse Seshat
. She's a cat, and one of the dreamwalkers (although when walking, she has a human form.)
Yeah, the more I look at this, the more this becomes a fantasy novel and the more a little part of my soul kind of dies a little. Oh well. I'm not meaning to slam the genre - I grew up on fantasy - it was my entire adolescence/childhood...it's just that, as an adult, going back to them from time to time, I seem to have ....grown out of them. They don't hold the same enthralling beauty they once held for me, I guess. They feel cheap now that I'm "all growed up" I guess. Maybe some part of me wanted it to all be real when I was a kid. Stupid, huh? Now that I'm a bitter grown up, I can't appreciate fantasy anymore. A lot of it seems badly written to me now, too. I'm also a lot more of a cynical critic now, which also probably has a lot to do with it. Oops.
So, following my own personal goals, tomorrow, I need to be at 10,583 words to be on target if I write 2k words tomorrow. God, that looks like an awful number. Just looking at it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die. D: That's like...a fifth of the way to the end. I'm not supposed to have to be there until sometime between days 6 & 7, rounding out the end of the first week and it's only just dawning on day 4 (IT'S NOT DAY FOUR UNTIL I SLEEP, BITCHESSSS) So I have plenty of time to actually be there, but I'd like to hit 2k a day, and that day I cranked out 4k in one day really put me ahead, so yeah. Off to read something lightningrapier
sent me, then grind a few more levels for her so she can play this godawful Final Fantasy game for DS that she was sent to review because I said I'd get her characters up to level 16 for her. Then maybe a movie or bed or ...something. I don't know. I feel really drained but I have no interest in sleep. Derp derp.
So I meant to do one of these yesterday. I should be working on my word count - I was in the middle of a scene, but I'm having a hard time focusing. That happens when I'm thinking about all the things I haven't done and should be doing - like registering for classes. :/
Yesterday I roundeded out Ellis' story about Lake Pontchartrain, having Seth walk off and get into an argument with a staff member and chuck an orange at the wall. Then I did a scene where Ray becomes Daniel's roommate. I haven't gotten too into detail with them yet. lightningrapier
asked me what Ray
's "deal is" and I told her I don't know. Who the hell knows why he's in the hospital. I don't know why some of these guys are here. Nun
(who finally got a name! It's Shui) is in there because he's a batshit motherfucker; Seth
is in for violent outbursts - beyond that, I'm not sure what's wrong with him; Dan is in because of his complete breakdown after his sister's death. I might have everyone moving in there eventually as the plot brings them together? I'm not really sure.
gave us the prompt to blow something up, so I blew up the sky, having Daniel
and his sister
watch a fireworks show while she was still alive, and then when they suggested having your MC interact with a sheep I just wrote about a "ram" instead, choosing to write a scene with Camden
in it for the first time.
It's the first day - I did a kickoff party/write in on the 31st-1st during which I wrote a lulz scene in which the character which corresponds with the god Nun
(who has no name yet) and the character who cooresponds with the god Seth
(who may just end up with the name Seth (without the silent h)) get in a shit ton of trouble for causing a ruckus singing the song Rocket Man. I'd intended for them to cause a riot with the other patients in the process, but it kind of just didn't happen that way. I've shared the writing with lightningrapier
who thought it was lulz, but I'm not happy with the writing, so I'm not ready to share it with anyone else. In traditional nanowrimo spirit, I'll share the first line, as it's the "first line of my novel," even if it isn't actually "the first line of my novel." Eh, fuck it. You can have the whole first paragraph“I’m not the man they think I am at all, oh no no no! I’m a rocket maaaaaan,” Nun wailed across the day room, flopping back over the edge of the couch and landing on his back with a loud thud that was hard enough to crack a weaker couch. Fortunately the industrial grade furniture was created to withstand such antics. Kicking his feet up and swinging them violently back and forth, he continued at the top of his lungs, screaming the chorus as loud as he could: “burnin’ out his fuse up here alone!”
I then did a dream sequence following this scene - Seth, waking up in a dream after being tranq'd, dreamwalking, not entirely sure wtf is going on. A stand alone 3 or 4 sentences of Daniel on the phone with Emery and then a long bit today that is completely whacked out and doesn't really fit in with any of this.lightningrapier
& I were in the car on the way home from the bank, and "Lake Pontchartrain" by Ludo came on the radio. We both decided it'd be worth trying to novelize (She's novelizing Ludo's Broken Bride for her nano. (See roughestdraft
) but that it'd certainly never hit 50k. We also decided it'd be the kind of story that Ellis (from Left 4 Dead 2 would tell about him & his buddy Keith. So Ellis made it in my Nano. With his buddy Keith and his new buddies Noland & Darius. It was really fun to write Ellis, and my own characters made it in, interacting with Ellis, listening to his whacked out story. It got me up to my word count and beyond and it's getting me positively back into the swing of writing, which is why I decided to do it even if it's cracky. If I start out on a positive note, I'll get through this a lot better than if I struggle with the serious stuff first.
I might post that bit later when I feel like formatting it for the internet. I'm pretty happy with it, but it's really long. We'll see.
So yeah. I'm at 4453 words on day one and I'm pretty happy about it. :D
Well I've got all my note cards moved into papel
. I guess that counts for something. I'm so not ready for November. I was so much more ready a month ago. I guess I'm just not feeling the slightest bit motivated but November's coming whether I'm ready or not, so I guess I better figure it out.
Wish the local coffee shop had more tea I liked. They need to get mint or something. Whatever.
ETA: I wish Papel could do what Photoshop could do.
I've added in Papel two scenes ideas that I've already come up with. I'll add more scene flags as I think of them. These'll be great for when I'm stuck writing. I also made an icon for the asylum and arranged characters around it. This was done in Photoshop. This let me know that I'm kind of short on asylum characters. (I mean, obviously, the only characters I have here are the ones that are gods/goddesses, and there are going to need to be characters in my story that are NOT part of the past life business, so I need to come up with some of those. Most of the staff of the bin, obvs. Although I think a couple ought to be just to throw everything out of whack. FOR FUN TIEMS PEOPLE)
Further, I don't have settings for the other characters. I'm not sure that I want everyone in the asylum. That makes things more challenging, but idk. I think I'll get bored and it's unrealistic that everyone's in a crazy house with the overarching plot idea, isn't it? I don't knowwwwwww i don't know. I might get them all there eventually. So some of them (like Gabriel) might not start out there. I don't know. Ray isn't going to start there, but I might not start his backstory OUTSIDE of there either. I don't knowwww. It's not my job to know these things yet, so I shouldn't stress about them right now.
Anyway, Map 2
. I'm going to make more of these as time goes on, so get used to them. They help me.
ETA 2: Map 3
, now with Dreamwalkers.